[N.B.: Yr Most Humble author begs your Indulgence for the Week’s delay in posting, owing to th’observance of the Holy Pascha.]
Renowned poetess Dame Klytemnaestra Harvey has astounded critics once again with a new performance poem which you can try at home, too. Simply invite half a dozen people ‘round for supper – friends for preference, but any acquaintances will do. Halfway through the meal, get up, take hold of the pepper shaker, and stand on your chair. Say, “you disgust me”. Unscrew the top of the pepper shaker, and pour the pepper into your other hand. Let it slip through your fingers. Now, put the pepper shaker down, and scream as loud and as long as you can, get down from your chair and leave the room. Dame Klytemnaestra, who has also published a guide to deportment, says this is her most “profound” and “spiritual” work, but promises it will “delight and uplift even the most modest dinner-party”.
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The case of Pentwhistle vs Nutrigon Cereal Foods, Inc. in Tunsley court drones on. The case, now into its third successive year of running, has now become so in danger of losing its original purpose – which some commentators would suggest was a somewhat strict interpretation of the Trade Descriptions Act by Mr Pentwhistle – and increasingly derives into more and more furiously-debated obscurity. In court last Friday, counsel for the prosecution Sir Augustulus Treacle QC emphasised that tin-mining was, contrary to the defence’s position, a flourishing trade in 13th Century Tintagel. “It is”, he said, “a wholly misleading suggestion, my lord, that the case of the Crown vs Tresgothick 1256 can have been in relation to anything other than the question of praebunire and the French market for tin.”
Mr Justice Snipewhistle, responding via video-link from the Bahamas, said that while he “fully appreciated” the prosecution’s argument, he was uncertain that a case involving the mediaeval law against aiding a foreign power could still be applicable since the European Communities Act. Mr Pentwhistle, 55, of Much Wyttring’s Flatley Park estate, is said to be “satisfied” with the current progress of the case, and told reporters that he looked forward to the day when “insidious and misleading metaphor” has been “entirely exterminated from the English language”.
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