BBC Scurvy staff have already run into problems with their latest attempt to engage with the public, entitled “The Big Metaphor”. The scheme, launched just two weeks ago, is an attempt to follow-up the success of the national part of the BBC’s “Big Read”, and other such non-events. The Nerdley branch, however, ran into trouble with the idea with a series of adverts describing “The Big Metaphor” as “Like our very own song”, “Like the sweet smell of a free country”, “Like brilliance”, and so forth, alongside pictures of sunny afternoons and wealthy, London-based BBC presenters. Locals remain baffled as to what the event is about, however. Ms Marjorem K Kalypso, a resident of Little Quinisext, said the event was “poorly considered”, and “lacking in sufficient consultation and review prior to release to the wider public”. Ms Kalypso, who chairs the Parish of St John the Apostate’s Non-Executive Pastoral Review Council Liturgical Subcommittee, added that the idea was “insufficiently pastoral”, and “likely to alarm or distress residents unduly”.
A new trick, for the politician whose tried ‘em all, has been developed by Cllr Marvin Squint of the Much Wyttring Council. Cllr Squint was recently accused of embezzling nearly £350,000 of council funds, diverting preferential contracts to friends, and selling the same refrigerator to no fewer than sixteen Inuit. Cllr Squint, appearing before Mr Justice Snipewhistle at Tunsley court last Tuesday, Cllr Squint attempted to excuse himself on grounds of religious observance. As a member of the Ayn Rand First Reformed Church of Mammon, Cllr Squint explained, grandiose personal greed was a moral obligation placed on him by his religious beliefs. He was, he stressed, deeply upset to be forced by his beliefs to buy a row of houses in the Cote d’Azure, and he assured His Honour that he had only spent six weeks staying in one of the houses last August in order to ensure that his investment was still in good condition. Mr Justice Snipewhistle, responding via video-link from the Bahamas, informed Cllr Squint that, unless fresh... er, evidence were to be sent to him immediately, he would be forced to find Cllr Squint guilty of all charges.
The wheel of fashion turns, and unto each there is a season eventually. As 1980s fashions and the three-piece suit return, however, it is important to remember that the wheel always has further to turn. Fashionistas and experts all agree, though, that now is the time to start saving for the return of a fashion which some think has been too long in abeyance: yes, dear readers, it is time to start saving up for a new, full-bottomed periwig.
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